Time is of the Essence

Do you ever get to that point where you feel like you're just about to crack?  It's been happening to me far too regularly in the last few months.  I've even been to the doctors.  I've been having trouble sleeping, which is getting better of late.  Other stuff just crops up though.  I keep getting sick.  I've had food poisoning (which wasn't anything to do with my cooking), I've had a nasty cold, and I've been constantly feeling run down for quite some time.  I've considered all the usual factors... and I reckon my diet and exercise are both up to scratch.  Particularly the exercise.  I've been making more of an effort this year than for the entire of my uni course.  So I don't know what's up.  Hopefully it will just go away.

Now, I supposedly as a full time student have a fair bit of time on my hands.  For some reason full time study is equated with not really having to do anything.  Personally, I reckon it's harder in some instances because it's very easy to elude any form of routine to keep you moving along and getting things done.  In the past two weeks, while I'm supposedly on Easter break from college, I have allocated substantial amounts of time to getting assignments done... but for some reason I just keep going blank and this little feeling of dread creeps up my spine.

It doesn't help that two businesses that I run servers for have both had some pretty substantial problems with their systems.  Nothing major.  No all-nighter data recovery operations or anything... but it could have quite easily gone that way if I hadn't focused my attention in their respective directions.  Forget trying to get homework done if you've got someone (who you happen to like and respect) on the phone pleading with you to come and save their business.  I do not want to be in that position.  So I've had to organise a couple of pre-emptive strikes.

Fortunately I was able to get away to Blackwood for two days and just relax.  I came back feeling more rested from that than I have been in months.  It was fantastic.  I actually got to chill out.  With friends.  Without the expectation of jumping up and playing guitar, or sorting out a computer or whatever else.  I'm running so low on energy that I've been falling a bit behind at college.  And the more pressure that gets put on me to do other things that don't get me closer to being back on track with study, the worse the situation feels, regardless of how much energy I can muster up.

So, as most people do when they get into this position, I start thinking about going into damage control and pulling out on commitments in order to get school work done.  The trouble with doing things like that at the moment, is that it invariably means not seeing or associating with my friends in any capacity, unless I make time for 'doing things' with the group, usually with music for church services.  But what if I don't have the time or 'head space'?

Do I want to be a part of things?  Sure.  Being part of it is kind of the point of being there.

Is it all important to me?  In the broader sense, yes.  But there are only so many things I can do.  I'm not going to lose much sleep over the church not having a full band (drums, guitars, bass, keys) every week of the year.  Relationships with people are more important than music will ever be, as much as I like the idea of presenting something 'good'.  (I won't get started on the biblical definition of 'good').

And now, of course, my Dad wants all of the 'young blokes' down on the church building site tomorrow to dig holes and shift dirt.  But I have to be back at college on Wednesday and I'm behind.  And I'm stressing out.  Maybe I need to take a chill pill... but I honestly can't see myself spending half the day doing that and then sitting down to concentrate on essays which HAVE to get done.

Hopefully they'll still let me into heaven if I sit that one out.
(For anyone who doesn't realise I'm being sarcastic, the bible says that we aren't 'saved' by the things we do... but by faith.)